what if

 the years last day, how did i feel last year on the last day i dont remember. i dont even remember how the 1st day of this year was. . its a new year but whats if its still the same just different dates more grey hair. what did i do this year, i earned money i invested in gaining knowledge some money was wasted as the teacher was not good. but still couldnt sell anything from my website. i dont know what is missing. what action is missing. i keel thinking of leaving this city as the home envoironment feels  so toxic. i wish i can leave soon without feeling guilty. i learnt that only people with money or fame can achieve respect even in home. i dont understand one thing that there are people all around us. we never needed a group of people called as family but then i felt as i saw in movies or with other people, that youhave family so that you dont have to fight for respect at home, you wont have to prove your worth to get some respect and value, family means you wont be judged at home the group of poeple will not harm your self resepect, they will not try to put you down with harsh words they wont try to break your confidence. but what if its the family who is trying to break you not the outsiders , there does the meaning of family is justified or you really dont have a family at all. you prove yourself in the outside world, you are judged by strangers, you are bullied by strangers, you are cursed by strangers, you are humiliated by strangers you are desrespected by strangers what if your own mother is doing that what if your own mother has manipulated everyone against you with spiteful words and means, what if you own father even suport that, what if there is noone in the group called family is there to say that 'you are enough as you are'. what would you do. where would you go. to feel a sense of protection?? can you survive alone, should you survive alone, should you die alone??